Great Bowls of Shit
That pretty much says it all... My body and mind are a morass of angst/panic/confusion/etc.

Today I spent twenty minutes talking to my potential thesis advisor all the while riding a wave of fearful panic. In usual patrickesque fashion I'd breezed in his office without so much as preparing a spiel. While its true Confidence is 90% of authority... sometimes that last 10% comes in handy. As I stumbled away the phrase "sweating like a banshee" somehow popped into my head... Its almost as nonsensical as it is apt. Although techically it was a triumph since the professor in question agreed to advise me, he hung a "if you do some major clarification of your thesis" condition on it... Hail the bloody conquering hero eh?

Second and most important, for those of you who may have noticed the paucity of posts of recent.. my mind has been shattered by the usual song n' dance... Usual in exceptional terms you might say... at least I would and you wouldn't want to listen to me on the subject (cite: the poor bastard friends of mine whose ears I've bent) Yes, El Jefe has met a girl.. and since then has becoming a crippled, pathetic, alchohol drenched version of himself. C'est la vie?

You may wonder why I choose to embarrass myself with such stark honesty... A debt of honor.. an atonement..

Nearly broke my chair
and not in a funny way... Just got finished reading the NYorker piece on basically why we went to war with Iraq. I hate the fucking bush administration... That's all I can say without frothing at the mouth... I need to think of something else... cool breezes... field of daffodils.... *deep breath*

Ode to the Stacks
In 201 this morning we were passing around these sad old books that Losee had picked out to illustrate some points on observing unreactive evidence (or something). Savaged by time,I felt sad for the little buggers, so I wrote this little diddy..

Ode to the Stacks

To walk the stacks the hand will trail
The tracks and slats of old and frail.
A book, a tome, a worn pamphlet,
Stained by time and stripped of jacket.
The new, the old, the tried and bold
All find a home in collection’s fold.
Who else will guard your author’s care?
Who else will stand throughout the years?
They line the shelves, await inspection,
But will seldom garner much attention.
For as time passes, and they lose their meaning.
The march of knowledge will leave them dreaming
Of fresh bound days, of bright-minted futures.
When eyes were bright, and days were new.
Here in the stacks they await their use.
And find their end in silence.

If you have Win2000 or better go to Start->Accessories->Accessibility->Narrator
cut and paste the above into Notepad and let her rip.. Listening to Sam read this thing cracks me up no end!

Back in Business
Walked home from school today and the weather was perfect. The sky was blue, the air crisp, and a slight breeze wafted through the trees. Idealic for a stroll through the hood. I felt renewed and optimistic. But things only got better.. I arrived on my doorstep, a little bumed about heading indoors, and lo and behold a package! Specifically a package from my good friend Dave, the only named listed as the return sender. Who is Dave you ask? Dave is a friend of mine, a fact to which I'd testify, who every now and then thoughtfully sends me my latest from liquorama. Kudos to Dave.

So with renewed vigor, I set my buddy Glen, fresh from the vales of Scotland, down next to my computer and was instantly encouraged to write. Not to say that I need Glen, I just enjoy his company. As a muse/friend, Glen gets the job done.
Now I just need to find a good mojito recipe (Glen brought a friend)....

I love M&Ms
Although they are forbidden me, yet do they keep me from my slumber
One cannot approach but feel their allure; unescapable, inevitible
In another life, in another world they pass my lips with passing sweetness
In this, I am stymied by luck, life, and consequence.
My tracks are wrecked, and the horizon is blurred
Nothing is certain

A bit of self-indulgent prattle
This morning I had a dozing dream. For me, the most vivid dreams seem to come after I've hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. They are also the most irritating because I often times remember having a great or interesting dream, waking abruptly, and feeling regret and a strong desire to get back to the dream. This morning I remember driving down some highway when I get a call from a friend from my high school days. Carson tells me to stop at a high school in a small town where we'll watch a basketball game. I do so, we meet, and I give him a hug and feel a great deal of happiness at seeing my old friend. We start to walk into the gymnasium and I realize I've left my wallet in the car. Carson walks in ahead of me and I return to my car alone. I remember walking into the gym impatient to get there, as if I'm wasting precious time. When I enter the gym I'm greeted by a friend from my Master's program who apparently is playing in the game. I recall that this must be her home town, but can't pronounce the name. When I get to the stands I see people from high school, and kids I grew up with in Alabama. The odd thing is that they all look the same as when I left them. They're small and some are child-like. I see one good friend who still looks like the awkward pre-adolescent I knew, and I remarked that I'd heard that he'd joined the marines. He nodded and then another friend from high school blurted out that he'd spent some time in jail. Daniel was a smart, quiet kid in school and I remembered being a little shocked by the news. "For a car wreck" he said and I noticed that he looked a little sad around the eyes.
Suddenly the game is gone and the gym floor is packed with people slow-dancing like they did in every school dance I'd ever been to. The crowd was thick, an incredible morass of limbs draped over bodies. I remember thinking that it looked impenetrable. I look to my right and I noticed that another friend and his girlfriend are trying to get out of the stands, but my friend keeps motioning at me impatiently. He acts like he can't get to the floor, but I don't feel like I'm impeding him. Suddenly I notice a woman in front of me. All I can see is her brown hair and I realize I should be asking her to dance. I say "I'm sorry, would you like to dance?", I reach out, she takes my hand, and I wake up never seeing her face.

Odd that. I've been thinking about it all morning and can't help but feel like someone's walking on my grave...

A fresh breath of air for California and perhaps democracy in total. The Terminator now heads one of the top ten economies in the world (top tenish anyways). Like the rushing titan he is, Arnie has crushed all comers and won the recall. Kind of makes you believe that anything is possible doesn't it? If you really think about it, this moment was foreshadowed at the end of Conan the Barbarian, where Conan has finally won his kingdom.. but that is another tale...


Mongol General: "We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?"
Mongol Warrior: "The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!"
Mongol General: "Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?"
Conan: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!"
Mongol General: "That is good."

I'd say that's check, check, aaaannnnd double check!