Amalgamations of El Jefe

The great train ride of 05'

So lately I've been thinking of trying to take Amtrak all the way from Greensboro, NC to Seattle, Wa and back for Christmas this year. I hate to fly and I love to train. Seems like an easy equation. I figure that if I'm feeling particularly brave that I'd like to go Greensboro to NYC to Chicago to Seattle on the way up and then go Seattle to LA to New Orleans to Greensboro on the way back. Or if I'm feeling like a wuss, I'll take a one-way flight for one of the legs...

Sounds exciting right? Sure, my friends say, but it also sounds a little crazy. I guess they may have a point. First of all, I'm a little worried about the fact that these train rides take like 80 hours a piece. Also I've only taken a two-hour train ride from Tacoma, WA to Vancouver, WA before. I loved the ride and made the usual pronouncements about civilized modes of travel, but I realize that I have to accept the fact that that experience might not be representative of the whole Amtrak line.

It'll also be Christmas time... So my question is, does Amtrak get crazy during the holidays? Will there be drunken Santas to contend with? Repentant drug dealers? Meth crazed elves driven to excess by drugs and the ridiculous nature of their chosen profession? How about just your garden variety crazy? I mean if I were a crazy, loner, depressant guy, I could see myself wanting to be on a train during Christmas. Just riding the rails watching the it all pass by and refusing to take part in the sane world's festivities. A "fuck you" to organized fun.

"Ho fucking Ho" they'll blearily mutter at me as the swig from their poorly concealed bottles of cheap whiskey. The clever ones will probably go on some crazy diatribe about how the whole holiday is a farce cooked up by the Catholics to keep winter-crazed Europeans from jousting themselves in the eye. The repentant ones will cheerfully proselytize and describe how Jesus has saved them from their cross-dressing whore lifestyles of yore (that happened to me once on an Atlanta train). Either way I just know they'll probably end up violating my personal space in some way.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love people. I'm a Episcopal egalitarian for Christ sakes. That means I'm willing to drink with pretty much anyone as long as they stay on their side, don't talk to me, don't smell too strongly, and just don't violate the afore mentioned personal space.

I rub elbows in a strictly metaphorical sense
el Jefe

Comments:

As far as public transportation goes trains are only a slight step up from buses in this country. I Amtrack-ed it up to Baltimore one weekend. That was a mistake. Besides the painfully slow ride there was an ever present smell of some combination of fried chicken, puke, and that nasty baby smell.

# posted by Kansas : 7:44 AM

I take a 2 hour train ride twice a day on NJ Transit. Amtrak's freaks have NOTHING on Jersey's citizens. And their trains are a hell of a lot better.

And it could be worse. You could be taking a Greyhound cross-country.

Try it one way if you like, since Amtrak really isn't that bad. If you like it, you can always train it both ways next time.

# posted by Saeri : 9:16 AM

Yeah unfortunately then I've got to take taxis to/from the airport/trainstation because I can't just leave my car at one or the other.... nothing is easy.

# posted by Patrick : 9:56 AM

i like your new design. of course, i haven't checked it in a while, so perhaps it's not so new!

# posted by Anonymous : 2:16 PM

the world needs more episcopal egalitarian types. :)

# posted by 'gene' : 7:33 PM

One spring I rode the train between Tacoma and Portland every week for six weeks and it was a lovely ride. I hear the Coast Starlight between Seattle and LA is a nice trip the whole way.
Why do you hate to fly?

# posted by csg : 7:17 PM

This post has been removed by the author.

# posted by The Tin Man : 3:44 PM

The tyranny of the tall receives its comeuppance on airplanes.

# posted by el Jefe : 1:02 PM

Thursday, August 11, 2005

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