Long-distance Familial Relations...

or

The conversation of 01/26/05

Yesterday my dad, in typical mode, emailed the following to every email address I've ever had in my life.

I signed your Mom and I up to be volunteers for this event … take a look … pretty cool … I am very excited.!!

http://www.tallshipstacoma.com/ships.html

Love,
Dad

I dutifully take a look at the sight which shows the several sailing ships coming into Tacoma, where the jefe's parents reside..

The Jefe replies to all (including apparently himself)

Wow! That sounds really cool Dad

and then to inject some family fun..

I like to think that if I were a ship I would be known as the Ambassador and Gentleman of the Seas….

to which my dear Mother, who has unfortunately read this blog in the past and secretly fears that the jefe may be sitting at work at that moment sloshed to the gills, replied:

Gee - I expected you would want to be called Keg of Rum or Wine of the Sea - something like that.

nice.

But fear not. While el jefe stewed on this remark for a moment, eventually I reminded myself of the Salvation Army's battle cry which I learned in Trivial Pursuit once...

"Blood and GUTS!"

and replied in the following manner:

Oh Yeah! I totally change my mind! Keg o’ Rum it is!

“Aye she’s ungainly ship” they’d say, “but s’truth there’s always a good time when she comes ta port! Arghh!

Mom, in what I feel was an honorable retreat from the field, replied in the following manner:

That's more like it!

never say die.


"Blood and GUTS!"
el Jefe

One hand grips the wrist of another as a silent struggle ensues over the keyboard...

Dude, NO!.. NOT in the BUDGET!

But so Cool and inexpensive!

Car Payment Dude! Car Payment!

But I want to be the cool early adapter this time!

AARRRRGGGHHH



Mustn't raid the Savings account. Mustn't raid the Savings account...
el Jefe

My company is sending me on a "Leadership Training Program" in a couple of weeks. When I heard about it I have to admit that at first it sounded kind of cool. "All right" I thought, "Time for the big leagues." I pictured myself being tutored in the business Bushido of Micheal Douglas in Wall Street. Learning how to strategize and scheme in order to destroy my enemies and earn big cash bonuses. I thought at the minimum I should get to dress up in a Kendo outfit and wack people with bamboo swords...

I should have known better.

When I received a homework assignment for the seminar I found out that this was going to be more of a "leading me towards getting in touch with my feelings and thus becoming a better employee and person" type seminar rather than the "leading the way in gutting opponents" type class I'd prefer.

For this assignment I'm supposed to describe verbatim a conversation where I felt I handled it badly or was very difficult.

My problem:
I can't think of any examples. Not one. It seems that as an unintended result of my practice of mentally dominating everyone around me that there isn't one instance where I didn't just come out on top as usual.

At least that's what I told my boss who just encouraged me to make it up anyway.

Maybe I'll talk about the time I ratted my boss out...
El Jefe

As I was eating my frozen waffle this morning, I flipped on the TV for some quick gratification. I turned on MTV and a holy crap! A music video, yes an actual-to-god music freaking video, came on featuring Nelly and the cowboy guy that Faith Hill dates. It would appear that these two disparate musicians were about to attempt a duo. "Sweet!" I yelled and sat down on my couch prepared to have my ass rocked off.

But wait... this was apparently a sad song..

The video is displayed with a split screen featuring Nelly and the dude simultaneously waking up in a funk. Obviously something has gone wrong, it would appear that they're both having some sort of undefined hot-lady problems. They slowly get dressed, strap on their diamond watches etc, head to the gas station in their respective pimp mobiles to gas-up, and then head for the airport all the while singing and looking morose. Nelly doesn't even crack a smile when he jumps into his sweet-ass sports car and roars away. You can tell that this guy's seriously in the dumps.

All these scenes are interspersed with shots of hot-lady photos hanging on walls/sitting on dressers being sung to or looked at with regret. The fellas are clearly suffering a bit of hot-lady withdrawal with no end in sight.

After tooling around for a bit, still singing, the guys park in their hangars and saunter towards their planes in slow motion. They both dial the afore mentioned hot-ladies on their jewel encrusted cell phones and get no reply. They sigh, look to the heavens as if hoping for a hot-lady rainstorm but no dice. Upon being disappointed they hop into their private jet planes and fly, fly away....

In other words...

story of my life
El Jefe

Blogging in '05 would appear to be a daunting task.
For these reasons.

1. I spilled coffee all over my keyboard and now the keys stick. This is not conducive to blogging. EX: I just freaked out my cubie neighbors by violently punching the 5 button over and over again with a homicidal rage. Having people peer over cube partitions to investigate rage keeps me from blogging.

2. I'm fat and lazy due to Holiday.

3. Other people have stopped blogging. I won't name names, but you suck.

4. No longer have academic cred. Am now working wanker.

5. I've stopped swearing

On the other hand, I could be doing this all day...

poor bastard..
El Jefe