I'm currently sitting in an IT training class that I managed to con my boss into paying for. It's a pretty good class even if it is filled with a bunch of middle age geeks. Pretty hum-drum crowd I thought, till I noticed something about the guy across the row from me. The other day I noticed that this guy wears novelty socks. One day it was Marvin the Martian, the next it was Superman, today he's wearing socks with what appears to be Scooby-doo wearing an eye patch I shit you not. Tuesday I noticed, and it was like 'huh, weird'. Wednesday I saw the Superman socks and was a little non-plussed. Today I saw Scooby with an eye patch and I'm a bit fascinated.

What goes on behind the scenes I wondered. Does his wife get him these socks in some misguided attempt at showing him her affection? Maybe she thinks that he likes the socks, purchases them for him every Christmas, and he only wears them because she keeps buying them for him. Maybe he buys them himself? Why would a grown man buy such things much less wear them? And why the fuck does Scooby have an eye-patch?!!! What's that supposed to mean?!!

What other strange perturbations am I surrounded by? What might the quiet, balding guy with the handle bar mustache get up to in his spare time? Model train building? Sado-masochistic Bondage? THE BALLET?!!

"You have a freak flag. You just don't fly it." -Luke Wilson in some movie trailer
el Jefe

On Accomplishment..

The other day I was having a good sit down when I realized that I'd just marked off something of a milestone. I'd just retrieved the last roll out of a large 24-pack of Charmin. This was the 24 pack that I'd proudly dragged into the house and stuffed under my sink thinking "that's one problem that wouldn't be coming up anytime soon" when I first moved in. It's been six months since then and I realized that that would make it roughly a roll per week. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. There was that cold I had several months ago which I'm sure ate into my supply, but I doubt that could account for more than a roll.

Then I started thinking dark thoughts about whether my room mates might have filched a little paper. That could significantly offset my number, I reasoned. Why would you steal one roll if you could easily steal two? Then housemates would get to talking and suddenly it would be open season on the jefe's Charming Big Rolls which he had been assured was actually the equal of 2 Regular rolls... Stealing toliet paper is kind of a gray matter in the context of the Housemate social contract so it was plausible. Then I realized that my housemates who have memberships to Costco or bag their own trailmix would never steal my Charmin big rolls. If anyone, I realized, is stealing TP in this house it would probably be me. Which of course is an outrageous suggestion considering my TP wealth.

Luckily I had already noticed my stocks running low and had purchased another 24 pack. it wasn't Charmin this time, apparently I'd gotten a deal on another brand which I can't remember. So the race is on. How far will this 24 pack take me I wondered? What will my world be like when I've exhausted another 24 pack and god knows how many trees?

Then I flushed, washed my hands, and left.

Added fun! - from this weird ass site


>> What did people use before toilet paper was invented? <<

*Newsprint, paper catalogue pages in early US
*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages
*Discarded sheep's wool in the Viking Age, England
*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal *Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick
*Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand- United States
*Water and your left hand, India
*Pages from a book, British Lords
*Coconut shells in early Hawaii
*Lace was used by French Royalty
*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick
*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater
*French Royalty-lace, hemp
*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world
*Defecating in the river was very common internationally
*Bidet, France
*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

Wallacer and Gromitr... who gives a fuck?

Last night it was NPR, today its my Google News aggregator. Why the fuck does anyone give a shit that the Wallacer and Gromitr warehouse burned down? I mean yeah, sure boo-hoo for collectors but Jesus, people are fucking dying by the thousands because of earthquakes and landslides!

You could hear it in the dude's voice last night when Elizabeth Blair was laboriously interviewing the guy. You could tell he was wondering, "Why the fuck am I on the radio for this shit? I don't even really fucking care..."

It's ridiculous
el Jefe

Update: I have added r's to all mentions of W & G so that no 4 year old child googles G & W and finds this post. The jefe has no wish to psychologically damage children with posts that aren't very good to begin with. If I went on a filthy rant about the Power Rangers, however, I might consider it because they really, really fucking suck.