Sometimes I wonder when it was that I lost my enthusiasm for technology...

Hello all

In order to beef up our security here in the office we’re installing Palm Readers for each of the office doors. In the future in order to enter the premises you’ll have to punch in your current door code and then let a machine read your palm. In order for this to get underway, I’m going to need for each of you to come and register with our machine. It’s a fairly painless procedure and should only take a minute of your time. Please leave any palm reading jokes you might have at your desk. It would also probably be nice if you washed your hands first.


Thanks a million

el JEFE

minutes later...

Hello all

Let me clarify a few points. 1)the Finger scan project was insufficient for our needs and has therefore been upgraded to the Palm Scan project. You may speculate on the reasons for this to your heart’s content, suffice it to say that we in IT have become reluctant to shake hands with those of you in the general population. 2)At this point if you have a door code, you are eligible for the palm scanner. Those of you without door codes will not need to come scan their palms at this time. 3)If you haven’t had your photo taken we will also need to do this when you come to get your palm scanned. If you’ve done the palm thing and haven’t had a picture taken, you’ll have to come back. 4)I would like, at this point, to reiterate for the disappointed that there will not be any palm reading jokes on my watch.

Thanks

el JEFE

The rubbing alcohol in my cube is staring me right in the eye....
el Jefe

You know how they say that rich people are rich because they never spend money?

It just occurred to me that skinny people are that way because they don't spend weekday mornings eating doughnuts and tea in a cool shop instead of the lame continental breakfast that the conference they're going to provides.

For that matter, successful people are probably that way because they're at the breakfast gabbing at strangers like idiots and making contacts, instead of in the doughnut shop, with headphones in, typing on his laptop, and trying to pretend that he's the only person on the planet. Oh well...

It occurs to me to wonder sometimes what kind of crazy adventures or things I might learn if I didn't walk around with my stupid headphones in all the time.

[from the movie classic "I'm gonna git you, sucka"]
Jack Spade: [looks at musicians] Who are these guys?
John Spade: They're my theme music. Every hero's got to have some.

What are ya gonna do?
el Jefe

So many Signals...

The jefe took a Game Theory class in college. Like most classes from college, the Jefe can only retrieve vague gists of what was taught from the muddy mists of time. It was a long time ago, I've killed a lot of braincells since then, and who are we kidding was I really even paying attention at the time? Anyhoo, the way I remember it, any problem can be best solved by making rational decisions based on the interpretation of signals that you receive. Simple.

The other day the jefe was standing around idly waiting for something to take place. As he does so a female acquaintance of his walks up and they begin to chat. Is this particular woman pretty fantastically hot? Well, sure, but the Jefe is the consummate gentleman and what's more he is known for playing it cool. No problem. The Jefe works in an office with 80 or so women, he plays it cool.

About midway through the conversation however, the Jefe notices his female counterpart reaching up and buttoning her top collar. In fact she even kind of clutches her collar together for a minute as if some artic wind had just ripped down the corridor.

How are we to interpret this? First, let me show you how my friend responded... {Let me make it clear that I strongly condemn his comments and that they in no way reflect the views of the author}

I say yea, Jefe. You went out on a limb, you showed your true colors. You think she didn't want you to notice? She was begging for attention, as are all their kind. You merely let her know she met her goal. Bravo!

The buttoning of the top button? It just means the situation got a little too "real" for her. She's an amateur. You just keep doing what you're doing and hope she brings her A-game next time.

Wow. This is the sort of advice that the Jefe receives. No wonder he uses a pseudonym

Ok, I'm assuming at this point that I've been busted for drifting eyes. B.U.S.T.E.D
but perhaps I'm misinterpreting things?....
Maybe I'm open to other interpretations?

Maybe?
el Jefe

Boingboing loves maps, sorta

Lately BoingBoing has been posting a lot about people who think its fun to create Anagram transit maps from the subway maps of cities all over the world. At least 5 Page long posts with screenshots of altered subway maps have been on the site. Apparently there was a fracas about a certain subway system suing the artists involved.

It's all very interesting in a 'heh' kind of way. But honestly. Who gives a fuck. I'll follow this query with a follow-up. Is Cory Doctorow off his fucking nut? If they burned the 'artists' upside down on a crucifix, I'm fairly certain I still wouldn't give a shit, and would only expect to see two posts maximum...

But who are we kidding? I really only go on the site to see the soft-porn ads anyways...
el Jefe